Posted by Rachel Burke | Posted in Humor | Posted on 3:34 PM
I’d think to myself: How could he not want a Facebook page? Doesn't he want an easy way to manage social events? Share his photos? Communicate with his out-of-state friends and relatives?
As you've probably noticed, Facebook continues to update their settings into deeper and deeper levels of creepery.
Some of these are as follows:
1. iPhone contact syncing: Facebook recently updated their iPhone application so it automatically syncs your Facebook friends with your iPhone contacts. This means that every person on your Facebook friends list is now stored in your cell phone. Which is pretty fucking creepy considering I'm only real-life friends with about 10% of the people on my friends list.
Sure, the other 90% are people I've known at some point in my life, but these people should definitely not be stored in my phone. I really do not want to be drunk dialing people I went to elementary school with. I want them to think I've come a long way since then.
(And yes, there is an option to un-sync your contacts, but really? Should we even have to do this?)
2. iPhone photo syncing: As you may have also noticed, Facebook now syncs profile photos with your iPhone contacts. You do not have to be Facebook friends in order for this to happen. Which means that every time I dial a co-worker’s cell, their Facebook photo appears, even though we’re not Facebook friends.
Last week, I stored my mother's new cell number in my phone, and apparently her number used to belong to a man named Water Siggins, because his Facebook info automatically synced with my phone. And his default photo is of a Muppet.
My mother is now a Muppet.
3. Message read receipts: Facebook now tells you when someone has read your email. And what date and time. Welp, so much for that "oh, I never check my facebook messages" excuse us ladies use on creepy guys that we are unfortunately forced to see in social circles from time to time.
4. Status location updates: Facebook also lists what city you update your status from. Gee, Zuckerberg, why don't I just start hanging out on street corners and handing my address to certified stalkers?
I know, I know, everyone knows someone whose best friend knows someone whose sister met her husband on there, and he’s the perfect guy and perfect husband… yada yada. I get it. It works for some people. But I still think it’s creepy.
Confession: I tried it once. Okay fine, twice. The first guy’s dating profile photo was clearly taken twenty years prior, and the second one spent the entire date telling me how women use internet dating as a “meal ticket” and not-so-discreetly eyeballing the menu every time I ordered a drink to check the price.
Tightwad = turnoff.
Even worse, Tightwad had the nerve to attempt a romantic kiss at the end of the date, only his lips were about as tight as his wallet. Like kissing a robot.
But even better are the crackpot emails you receive on these sites. This is one of my favorites:
Naturally, I had to ask why.
If this doesn’t prove my theory that the internet is creepy, then I don’t know what does.